Ugene's published writing temr 2

War Between Love

(Max) I’m going to the war.

(Sheena) Why Max ?

(CJ) Bro I heard your going war G.

(Max) Yeh chur. I'm gonna go fight the Germans. 

(CJ) Ooo. Skuxx G  I wunna come.


(Sheena) Ehhh.How is dis stuff skuxx? Ur so dead Max.

(Maxiline) Hahaha.Max is just dreaming.He can't even fight mum when he has to go have a shower lol.

(Max) Shut up!! I can fight Germans, Ur just jealous u can’t even go to war.

(maxiline) War is gay.I rather stay home and play Fortnite.

(Sheena) I agree with Maxiline.

(Max) Well Sheena if you are going to be like that I think that we should break up .

(Sheena) OK that sounds good.


My learning story
I was good at  including a surprise, a problem or a twist because I put in that the Max was go to the war and his girlfriend was not happy about it  because she  may lose the love of her life.

I got better at using words to describe and make a picture in our head eg
dead. I chose to use this word because it made a picture in my readers head.

It was hard for me to organise my ideas into paragraphs because when I was fixing it up I was getting confused and I didn't know  what p1 p2 or p3 was.

I need to work on making it make sense so the readers can not get lost in the story and so they can make sense from it and make a picture in the readers head.


Rylee’s Feedback: I think you were good at using describing words like dead. But I think you need to re read your story and maybe try make the story a little more sense but yet you have written a really good story.

Kate’s feedback: You have written an interesting and entertaining dialogue Ugene. It has a beginning, middle and ending. You have told the story with dialogue really well.


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