Monkey Symphony
Monkey Symphony
{George:} Is that a piano I see?
{Eugene:} Yes, that is a piano you see.
{George:} I can play it.
{Eugene:} No you can’t! Get off it, I hear somebody coming!
{Lulu:} You again I thought you moved back to your home town the bush.You look even uglier than I remember.
{George}Talk about ugly much.
{Tom:} I remember you from 2 years ago.
{George:} I remember you too!
(FLASHBACK:)
{Lulu:} Get your notes ready to play.
{Tom:} Alright!
{George:} Let’s spice it up a little bit.
{Lulu:} HEY! I TOLD YOU TO NOT MESS UP!
{Geroge:} This lesson is boring! I am not having fun nor enjoying this.
{Lulu:} It’s not meant to be fun.
{George:} Well, I quit!
{Lulu:} Leave this instant, you are the worst person I have taught pano to!
{George:} Okay, I will leave you grumpy old lady.
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Present time:
{George:} It is nice to see you Tom!
{Tom:} Nice to see you too, we have a big performance tonight.
{Lulu:} Tom, get your notes ready.
{Tom:} Why?
{Lulu:} Because you have a big performance tonight.
{Tom:} Alright!
{George:} Wow, he is starting to get skilled at playing the piano.
{Tom:} Thank you George.
{Lulu:} Tom, begin playing!
{Tom:} Ok you grumpy old lady.
{Lulu:} Do not call me a grumpy old lady or else!
{Tom:} Or else what?
{George:} Yeah or else what.
{Lulu:} Tom this is not time to play around.
{Tom:} I know it’s not a playground.
{George:}Yeah,you go girl
{Eugene:} There is a piano around back you should go play it.
{George:} Sure alright.
{Tom:} What’s that noise I can hear?
{George:} It’s me playing the piano don’t you miss me?
{Tom:} You are getting good.
{Lulu:} Whats going on? stop immediately.
{Eugene:} What are you doing here Lulu.
{Lulu:} Who are you?You look like a fat ogre
{Eugene:} No one you need to know about.
{Lulu:} I quit this job.
{Tom:} Yay, Lulu finally quit.
The end
Learning Story:
I was good at adding in detail (eg) What the characters were feeling
I was also good at adding in punctuation at the right time and making sure it makes sense
My next steps is to make the problem more complicated and to show the reader what each character is thinking.
I also need to work on making it it tricky to make the reader visualize their summary of the story and it needs a really good ending and see what it might look like with a twist in it.
Prestigious thinks I was good at putting in punctuation to make the writing make sense.
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